Friday started out as a pretty good day.  I went to my local pharmacy to pick up my mood stabilizing medication.  I like to keep this medication on hand in case I run out of chocolate in the middle of the night, and my seratonin level drops below my uterus and I turn into Satan’s daughter.

So there I was feeling darn good about life…  Then I noticed the damn Halloween decorations.  Not to mention racks of costumes ranging from Glenda, the Good Witch to Britney Spears’ black bikini outfit she wore on stage — in a size 18.  From there my mood went south.

Halloween in my neighborhood is like a broom ride to hell and back.  Everybody within a 50 mile radius shows up, and I have to buy enough candy to feed Rhode Island.  The reason for this is because I live in a big neighborhood, the houses are close together, and the streets are well lit. 

Nevertheless, I think it’s tacky to show up in somebody else’s neighborhood and expect them to give you candy.  Isn’t that like crashing a party?  I think parents should be forced to show their driver’s license at the door, and prove they live here before just assuming I can feed the gazillion or so kids who already live in my neighorhood PLUS the ones that don’t. 

But that’s not even the worst of it!  Half the parents show up with bags of their own!  Excuse me?  If these ADULTS expect me to feed their kids AND fill their bags as well, they need to have a damn good reason.  Like maybe they have a sick kid at home who couldn’t go trick-or-treating.  And I’d really like to see a photo of that sick child, along with a doctor’s written statement.

Okay, so I grit my teeth and just go along with it.  Finally, around 9 p.m., it starts slowing down.  UNTIL, that is, the teenagers show up with bags.  We’re talking grocery sacks.  Hello?  Why aren’t these kids out working and buying their own candy?

Here’s what I’m going to do this year.  I’m going to get a board and measure off three or four feet.  (Sort of like they do at the fair on certain rides.)  And I’m going to attach a sign to it that reads, “You have to be shorter than this line in order to get candy at my house.”

So, I ask you, is it me? 


2 Responses to “Halloween”

  1. Sara says:

    I love the height requirement rule. I’ve seen so many teens out doing their yearly begging for candy. Let me know how that works out!

  2. Jason says:

    I’m from Rhode Island and I only had 8 trick-or-treaters (4 of which I thought were hookers until the presented bags for candy). bought enough candy to do your nieghborhood and mine. Needless to say — be grateful that you don’t have the leftover candy. I’m still swimming in a sea of Kit-Kat bars and wrappers.

    It’s not a pretty picture.

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