BlogWhat Are Your Body Parts Worth? 

Okay, people, I found some interesting news online at Black Voices. Did you know that celebrities insure their body parts?  

For example:Dolly Parton’s boobs are insured for $600,000. 

Jennifer Lopez’s butt is insured for $27 million. (Hey, my butt is    bigger than hers. I’m thinking I should have mine insured.) 

Heidi Klum’s legs are insured for $2.2 million. 

Tina Turner’s legs are insured for $3.2 million. 

Angelina Jolie is insured for 1 Billion. 

Soccer player David Beckman is insured for $70 million. 

And, lastly – you’re going to LOVE this — Tom Jones’ CHEST HAIR is insured for $7 million. 

Hey, I don’t make up this stuff. Go to:

http://www.blackvoices.com/blogs/2009/03/12/celebrity-body-part-insurance/

I just have to tell everyone — Barbie turned 50 years old today. Can you believe that _itch still fits in the clothes she wore at 20?

I am back from two weeks of book signings — during which time I was forced to wear makeup and pantyhose — and I’d like to thank those who showed up. One reader brought me home made candy so many thanks to PJ for that! Now get this: We left Alpharetta, Georgia, bound for Lithonia, Georgia, on Sunday, March 1st and hit a snow storm! Actually, it was a blizzard! I’m not exaggerating! I always said if I wore makeup and pantyhose hell would freeze over so I’m sort of thinking I had something to do with that snow storm.

Although I’ll have to go to a couple of signings at the end of the month, I am SO GLAD to be home. I missed my pets, even the dachshund with the flatulence problem. He is sprawled across my feet as I sit here and type this. Every time he farts I spray him with Lysol. I’m not sure it’s good for his fur, but it keeps me from barfing on my keyboard.

So now I have two weeks to finish my book. There is also a box of unopened chocolate in the house, left over from boxes I purchased for bookstore sellers. I hope all of you will keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I try to stay out of it.

Big warm hug to everyone!

 Symptoms of a Chocolate Addict
Answer Yes or No

____ Once you start eating chocolate you are not able to stop until you eat it all or become sick.
____ You lie to loved ones about how much chocolate you eat.
____ You have tried and failed to cut back on the amount of chocolate you eat.
____ You get the shakes if you go too long without chocolate.
____ You spend more money on chocolate than shoes.
____ You have felt guilty about how much chocolate you eat.
____ You feel annoyed when people criticize you for eating too much chocolate.
____ You need chocolate first thing in the morning to get over your chocolate hangover from the night before.
____ You’ve tried hiding chocolate from yourself.

If you’ve answered yes to all the questions above, odds are you have a chocolate stash somewhere in your house. And that makes me think of a funny question: How many of you have a chocolate stash? Also, where’s the funniest place you’ve ever hidden it?

Charlotte is blogging at Casablanca Authors today as part of her Nutcase online book tour,  and to read the entire post go to:

http://tinyurl.com/c2syf8

Okay, this might be a gross topic, but I’m curious. With all the air travel going on at Christmas, I read a recent online article written by a staff member at City News in Toronto, listing the biggest complaints by passengers. A new survey from TripAdvisor claims that travelers biggest gripes are kids who misbehave during the flights and body odor of those sitting next to them. There are other complaints, of course, but as the article states, “Bad body odor was cited by 54 percent of passengers as being their personal pet plane peeve – especially when they’re stuck beside an offender for hours at a time.” I’ve been told that people can’t smell body odor on themselves. I find that hard to believe. If I’ve been working in my yard, I can pretty much tell if I need a shower.   So why cant people can’t tell if they have BO and why are some people more prone to it? 

But the million dollar question is: Should you tell someone if they have it?

Well, if you’re like me, you’re having a difficult time finding a reason to be merry this Christmas. All you have to do is turn on the news channels to find out our country is in deep doodoo. 

Finally, I decided to stop watching the news for a while, get away from all the doom and gloom. 

It’s not that easy to find uplifting shows right now. I don’t want to watch “CSI,” “Forensic Files,” or “Snapped,” because I don’t want to see all the blood and guts. Same thing with the bio and history channel. The bio channel seems intent on covering the lives of bloody kings and various other rulers. I don’t want to be reminded what a monster Hilter was. 

And don’t even talk to me about watching “Animal Planet” or similar shows because there is always some lion or tiger chasing a rabbit who doesn’t stand a chance; and if you don’t change the channel quickly enough you’ll have to watch “the kill,” which includes tearing the poor rabbit to smithereens. Then there’s some kind of planet-type channel where we’re told how our earth is in peril, and all the polar bears are dying. How depressing!  

It’s not that I don’t care. I care very much; but after a while I begin to feel helpless and hopeless. 

No wonder so many Americans are hooked on “American Idol,” and “Dancing with the Stars.” 

Thank God for the Hallmark channel! They’re running Christmas movies this month. Last night I watched three “feel good” movies back-to-back, and I awoke this morning feeling upbeat. I even put up my Christmas tree! 

But I have to confess, I almost didn’t bother. I was so bogged down with all the bad stuff that’s happening in the world I thought, why bother? Then, I realized that it was not all about me and my worries. Although Christmas sometimes feels too materialistic, it reminded me that I can still find joy, no matter what the doomsayers are predicting.  

The cool thing about this country is how determined us Americans are. We’re a bunch that, when challenged with a recession, we still cling to hope. Just like everyone else I’ve been affected by our troubled economy. Christmas is not going to be elaborate this year for our family, but for some reason I don’t care. We will give what we can. Like the rest of the country we will find at least one or two reasons to be grateful. If you’re having trouble finding that reason, make a gratitude list. I’ll bet, like me, you’ll find blessings in even the most difficult times. Americans never give up. What an awesome country we live in!

People are so worried about having their identity stolen. Not me. Nobody wants to be me because my life is boring. Okay, I have no life.

I know this is a dumb question, but if somebody steals your identity does that mean they have to pay your mortgage and credit cards? Do they have to show up at those boring family reunions where there is always an uncle who wants you to pull his finger?

I wouldn’t even steal my identity.

Does anybody know where I can buy this personal lubricant called “His and Hers?” I know this stuff has to be great because when the people in the commercials use it, they cut to a scene where the heavens open, a choir sings, and confetti falls from the sky.

I looked for it at Kmart but couldn’t find it. I figured it would be on the same aisle as the condoms and personal hygiene spray. It’s not like I can ask my pharmacist; I’ve known the guy sixteen years. You can’t trust those guys in the pharmacy because when they’re not filling prescriptions they’re gossiping. I know this for a fact because I’m usually the one spreading it. And it’s not like I can say, “Oh, I’m buying this for a friend of a friend.”

Even if I find it I’m going to have to go through the check-out line with it. Can you imagine what the cashier would think of me? It would be my luck if there wasn’t a price on it, and she had to call the manager over or get on the loud speaker: “Could we get a price check on His and Hers Personal Lubricant at register three?” My luck they’d ask me, “Hon, which aisle was it on?”

Of course, I’d have to act indignant and say, “I don’t even know what it is. Who the hell put that in my cart,” followed by me storming out of the store.

I don’t know what my ancestors did before somebody came up with personal lubricants. Probably used lard.

Did you know that Viagra was originally created by Pfizer for angina?  I don’t think it did much for heart disease, but men who suffered from impotence discovered they got a stiffie from taking it.

I think it’s great, but there are other so-called cures that I find baffling. For example, I once heard you could cure an earache by pouring urine in your ear.

Here’s my question: Who discovered this and how? I mean, say you had a really bad earache and the ear drops weren’t working. I could see trying peroxide in your ear, but can you imagine sitting around thinking, “Oh, I’ll bet if I peed in a cup and poured my urine in my ear the pain would go away.”

I’m here to tell you, I’d rather have an earache.

I know what you’re thinking… “Oh, Charlotte made that up.” The answer is no. Not even I, the weirdest person in the world could come up with something like that.

I have shared this with readers before… I am not a sophisticated person. Until I started writing the “Crazy” series, most of the books I’d written were small town girl kinda books. But even though my new series is set in Atlanta, I don’t think it has that big city feel. I don’t know what it’s like to live in a big city.

A few years back, I told my agent I needed to add a little sophistication to my books, and he thought that was great. So I rented DVDs of “Sex and the City.” Yeah, I know I’m probably the only woman in the world who didn’t watch that series. Anyway, I was sort of aghast or maybe jealous that these women had so much sex going on in their lives. I didn’t know people in New York City had sex that often. I don’t know how they hold down a full time job.

I don’t think people have sex that often in South Carolina. Wait, I just had a brilliant thought. Maybe the reason people in NYC have sex more is because they don’t have to do yardwork. Like yesterday, I had to get up and rake pine needles and put down grass seed. The day before I stood outside for more than an hour spraying my lawn with liquid Miracle Grow. At some point I’m going to have to put down fresh pine straw. If I didn’t have all this yardwork I would have more time for sex. 

So last night I watched the DVD of the movie ”Sex and the City” and I am amazed that these four women, now in their late 40s, are still either talking about or having a lot of sex. And when they’re not thinking or talking about sex they’re out buying shoes! People in NYC must make really good money because if I spent that kind of money on shoes I wouldn’t be able to make my house payment! There is obviously something wrong with me because I don’t really care about shoes one way or the other.

I’m thinking maybe these women are misrepresenting women in NYC. I need to touch base with some of the women there, maybe ask my editor if she thinks about sex and shoes that much. Or maybe I could ask my agent’s assistant. If someone from NYC reads this, I’d like to know if shoes are really that important to them.

And another thing… The way these women dress!  Holy mackeral! They have more clothes in their closet than Belk or TJ Max, which is where most women in my town shop. I don’t have that many places to go that I would need that many outfits! Of course, there is a lot more to do in NYC than in Beaufort, SC. 

Nevertheless, I was fascinated with the movie because the lives of those four women are so vastly different from anything I’ve ever known. For one thing, I don’t walk out of my house or restaurants and yell, “Taxi!” We have a taxi service in Beaufort, but I’ve never used it. I should freak out my neighbors by running out my front door yelling, “Taxi!” Maybe I should call our taxi service and take a ride, just to see what it’s like.

Compared to NYC, Beaufort, SC must be the most boring place in the world. I guess that’s why there isn’t a series called, “Sex and the City of Beaufort, SC.”

Wouldn’t you know it…  This morning in a phone conversation, I told my mom I had to start exercising. I even put on exercise clothes.

But first, I went online to check my E-mail. And it’s a good thing I did because AOL Health had an article, “Exercises You Can Stop Doing.” I don’t know why I was so relieved to see it since I haven’t been doing any exercising, but at least I haven’t been causing myself bodily injuries like those idiots who work out every day.

Truthfully, I sort of wore myself out talking about all the reasons I needed to exercise, then looking for something to exercise in; plus, I had to find my running shoes, no easy task in my closet. I don’t know why they’re called running shoes. The last time I remember running is when I was a kid, and I was being chased by a big dog at the time. Instead of calling them running shoes I should call them ’sitting at the back of my closet doing nothing shoes.’

I think I’ll put off exercising until I’ve had a nap.