Does anybody know where I can buy this personal lubricant called “His and Hers?” I know this stuff has to be great because when the people in the commercials use it, they cut to a scene where the heavens open, a choir sings, and confetti falls from the sky.

I looked for it at Kmart but couldn’t find it. I figured it would be on the same aisle as the condoms and personal hygiene spray. It’s not like I can ask my pharmacist; I’ve known the guy sixteen years. You can’t trust those guys in the pharmacy because when they’re not filling prescriptions they’re gossiping. I know this for a fact because I’m usually the one spreading it. And it’s not like I can say, “Oh, I’m buying this for a friend of a friend.”

Even if I find it I’m going to have to go through the check-out line with it. Can you imagine what the cashier would think of me? It would be my luck if there wasn’t a price on it, and she had to call the manager over or get on the loud speaker: “Could we get a price check on His and Hers Personal Lubricant at register three?” My luck they’d ask me, “Hon, which aisle was it on?”

Of course, I’d have to act indignant and say, “I don’t even know what it is. Who the hell put that in my cart,” followed by me storming out of the store.

I don’t know what my ancestors did before somebody came up with personal lubricants. Probably used lard.

This entry was posted on Saturday, December 6th, 2008 at 10:36 am and is filed under Rants & Raves, Group Therapy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.