Archive for November, 2008

Pour it in your ear?

Thursday, November 13th, 2008

Did you know that Viagra was originally created by Pfizer for angina?  I don’t think it did much for heart disease, but men who suffered from impotence discovered they got a stiffie from taking it.

I think it’s great, but there are other so-called cures that I find baffling. For example, I once heard you could cure an earache by pouring urine in your ear.

Here’s my question: Who discovered this and how? I mean, say you had a really bad earache and the ear drops weren’t working. I could see trying peroxide in your ear, but can you imagine sitting around thinking, “Oh, I’ll bet if I peed in a cup and poured my urine in my ear the pain would go away.”

I’m here to tell you, I’d rather have an earache.

I know what you’re thinking… “Oh, Charlotte made that up.” The answer is no. Not even I, the weirdest person in the world could come up with something like that.

There is Somebody Out There for Everybody

Monday, November 10th, 2008

AOL Health has reported that Manuel Uribe who is listed in the 2006 Guinness World Records as the world’s heaviest man, weighing more than 1200 pounds, has married. Supposedly, his wife-to-be helped him lose 550 pounds before the wedding, but he was delivered to the ceremony on a flatbed truck, lounging on a custom-made bed.

AOL  also reported that the bride, Claudia Solis, wore hot-pink lipstick and a tiara. Enough said.

The couple plans to have a family.

Okay, so here’s the obvious question: How? Naturally, I’ve played every scenario in my mind but damned if I can figured it out. But since Manuel can’t leave his bed, I guess they’ll have every opportunity to try.

This is why I think it’s fair to warn people to stay away from sites like eHarmony or Match.com. You just never know if those photos have been doctored. Maybe there’s a physical description listed as “big boned“. Or maybe Claudia likes big men. Really big men. Really, really big men. Like one who weighs more than her car.

To her credit, Claudia helped him take off the 550 pounds. I’m just wondering how many salads this guy ate each day in order to drop that much weight. I can sort of imagine him eating about 50 chef salads with 10 bottles of low fat dressing.

I Googled “world’s fattest man” and there he was, curtesy of Fox News, photos of him “before and after.”

I guess this proves there is somebody out there for everybody.

Sex and the City (of Beaufort, SC)

Wednesday, November 5th, 2008

I have shared this with readers before… I am not a sophisticated person. Until I started writing the “Crazy” series, most of the books I’d written were small town girl kinda books. But even though my new series is set in Atlanta, I don’t think it has that big city feel. I don’t know what it’s like to live in a big city.

A few years back, I told my agent I needed to add a little sophistication to my books, and he thought that was great. So I rented DVDs of “Sex and the City.” Yeah, I know I’m probably the only woman in the world who didn’t watch that series. Anyway, I was sort of aghast or maybe jealous that these women had so much sex going on in their lives. I didn’t know people in New York City had sex that often. I don’t know how they hold down a full time job.

I don’t think people have sex that often in South Carolina. Wait, I just had a brilliant thought. Maybe the reason people in NYC have sex more is because they don’t have to do yardwork. Like yesterday, I had to get up and rake pine needles and put down grass seed. The day before I stood outside for more than an hour spraying my lawn with liquid Miracle Grow. At some point I’m going to have to put down fresh pine straw. If I didn’t have all this yardwork I would have more time for sex. 

So last night I watched the DVD of the movie “Sex and the City” and I am amazed that these four women, now in their late 40s, are still either talking about or having a lot of sex. And when they’re not thinking or talking about sex they’re out buying shoes! People in NYC must make really good money because if I spent that kind of money on shoes I wouldn’t be able to make my house payment! There is obviously something wrong with me because I don’t really care about shoes one way or the other.

I’m thinking maybe these women are misrepresenting women in NYC. I need to touch base with some of the women there, maybe ask my editor if she thinks about sex and shoes that much. Or maybe I could ask my agent’s assistant. If someone from NYC reads this, I’d like to know if shoes are really that important to them.

And another thing… The way these women dress!  Holy mackeral! They have more clothes in their closet than Belk or TJ Max, which is where most women in my town shop. I don’t have that many places to go that I would need that many outfits! Of course, there is a lot more to do in NYC than in Beaufort, SC. 

Nevertheless, I was fascinated with the movie because the lives of those four women are so vastly different from anything I’ve ever known. For one thing, I don’t walk out of my house or restaurants and yell, “Taxi!” We have a taxi service in Beaufort, but I’ve never used it. I should freak out my neighbors by running out my front door yelling, “Taxi!” Maybe I should call our taxi service and take a ride, just to see what it’s like.

Compared to NYC, Beaufort, SC must be the most boring place in the world. I guess that’s why there isn’t a series called, “Sex and the City of Beaufort, SC.”

Exercising Can Be Harmful to Your Health..

Saturday, November 1st, 2008

Wouldn’t you know it…  This morning in a phone conversation, I told my mom I had to start exercising. I even put on exercise clothes.

But first, I went online to check my E-mail. And it’s a good thing I did because AOL Health had an article, “Exercises You Can Stop Doing.” I don’t know why I was so relieved to see it since I haven’t been doing any exercising, but at least I haven’t been causing myself bodily injuries like those idiots who work out every day.

Truthfully, I sort of wore myself out talking about all the reasons I needed to exercise, then looking for something to exercise in; plus, I had to find my running shoes, no easy task in my closet. I don’t know why they’re called running shoes. The last time I remember running is when I was a kid, and I was being chased by a big dog at the time. Instead of calling them running shoes I should call them ‘sitting at the back of my closet doing nothing shoes.’

I think I’ll put off exercising until I’ve had a nap.