Archive for July, 2008

All is not fair in love and war

Monday, July 7th, 2008

All is not fair in love and war.  I read an article today about the crazy things people do when they break up.  One woman took a hammer to her ex-boyfriend’s car.  Another woman took the scissors to her ex-boyfriend’s business suits.  Then there was the guy who found his ex-girlfriend’s password and deleted all of her business accounts.  What ever happened to just egging a guy’s house?  Or letting the air out of his tires?  Or writing on the bathroom wall at his job that he has herpes or suffers premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction?  That always worked for me, and you don’t risk a lawsuit.

Happy 4th of July

Friday, July 4th, 2008

I would like to wish everyone a happy 4th of July.  I’m not sure what is actually safe to eat this year.  Tomatoes were making a lot of people sick for a while, and I think somebody just pulled like a gazillion tons of hamburgery meat of the shelves.  I know we went through a spinach scare which probably means Popeye the Sailor Man is getting his butt kicked by Brutus since we’re not supposed to be eating spinach.  Does anyone know if we’re not supposed to eat lettuce?
The only thing safe and affordable to eat these days is Spam.  I read where a lot of Americans are turning to Spam now that meat costs are rising.  They also make spicy Spam, although I’m not sure that’s something I want to try.  And don’t forget Vienna sausage and potted meat.  Here’s what I do with potted meat…  I spread it on a nice cracker, top it with an olivedslice and tell my friends it’s goose liver pate’.  Like they’re going to know the difference, right?  The only liver people in the South eat are fried chicken livers with gobs of ketchup on it.  That way they don’t taste the liver.  Besides, nobody REALLY knows what’s in potted meat to begin with.