Archive for January, 2008

Smile More Often

Monday, January 28th, 2008

Author and “coach” Tony Robbins says it’s hard to feel bad when you smile. I’ve tried it, and it works! I think we should all smile and laugh more often. Also, it’s contagious. It’s sort of like the words in that old song, “When you’re smiling the whole world smiles with you.” Not only will you be doing yourself a huge favor, you can spread it to others. Of course, there will be someone who thinks you’re delusional, but that’s why God gave us a middle finger. And it IS possible to flip someone off and smile at the same time.

Silence IS Golden!

Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008

This is a noisy world.  Sometimes I have to close my eyes and practice tuning it out.  I’m trying to teach myself to meditate.  When you meditate, try to think calming thoughts or whatever makes you feel good.  I like to use this time to think of Brad Pitt naked.  It works for me. 

Feeding Your Mind with Good Stuff

Wednesday, January 16th, 2008

Be careful what you watch on TV, and what you read in the newspaper because the news is never good and it can easily send mentally ill people like us over the edge.  Of course, that doesn’t mean you don’t care about what’s happening in the world, but if you’re like me you just wallow around in it and feel bad for days.  Some of the weekly shows on TV – usually cop shows – can be especially gruesome, even though we know all the blood and guts spilling from the fake dead bodies aren’t real.  I suggest watching the Hallmark channel or Home and Garden TV.  The worst that can happen on HGTV is a bad decorating job, and that’s okay because I don’t have to live in it.

New Year’s Resolution

Sunday, January 13th, 2008

Okay, I swore I wouldn’t do it, but I’ve decided to make a New Year’s resolution after all.  For those of you who insist on being depressed, despite good drugs, listen up.

Has it ever occurred to you that you can help yourself feel better while waiting for your Zoloft to kick in?  Yes, you heard it here first, folks — if you change your thoughts you can often change your feelings.  But if you’re like me and you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop; well, you’re going to feel like hell most of the time.

Trust me, you can always find something in your life to complain about.  But what if you concentrated instead on what’s good in your life?  What if you woke up each morning and wrote down the things you’re grateful for?  Even if it’s something small like having naturally curly hair.  If you can’t think of anything off the top of your head and have to lie, that’s okay.  Have you ever heard the words, “Fake it until you make it?”

From now on, the first thing I’m going to do when I get up in the morning — after having my usual wake up Bloody Mary or two — is to make a list of what’s good in my life.  Like inside plumbing.  Or my microwave.  Or how about blow dryers and curling irons?  What did we do before they came along?  How many of you had to sleep with curlers in your hair?  Felt like you were wearing box springs on your head.  What about Control Top pantyhose?  Before they came along we had to make a conscious effort to hold in our stomachs.  That’s pretty hard to remember if your life is as busy as mine.

There is always something to feel grateful for so write it down.  It’s hard to feel depressed and grateful at the same time.  I know because I’ve tried.

The doctor is in…

Monday, January 7th, 2008

 
The doctor is in…
 
I hope you guys on meds didn’t drink on New Year’s Eve.  You don’t want to mix Haldol with Smirnoff.  I tried that once and ended up butt-naked in a cowboy bar.  Just kidding.  Actually, I haven’t drank since I puked in my hair in 2002.  That wasn’t the worst of it.  My friends got mad at me for wasting good scotch.  Now I drink Starbucks just so I can stay up until midnight.  Yep, life doesn’t get anymore exciting than that! 
 
Here’s hoping we all have less “issues” in 2008.