Okay, just when I think I’ve HEARD IT ALL, something comes along that makes me wonder why more people aren’t taking medication.
 
The reason I say this is because there are people out there who have too damn much money, and they make idiots out of themselves trying to spend it.
 
Get this: there is a company called ILoveDogsDiamonds.com selling diamond studded dog collars.  They have a 52-carat diamond collar selling for $1.8 million.  Fortunately, for people like me, they sell less expensive ones.  Whew, that’s a relief since I’ve been pacing the floor wondering what to get my dogs for Christmas.  Suddenly, a rawhide bone sounds kind of lame.  Who the hell buys a dog a $1.8M collar?
 
And get this!  Oprah, THE PERSON we all look to for common sense answers, has set up a trust for $30 million to provide for her five dogs and various other pets, in case something happens to her.  And, yes, Oprah’s dogs wear diamond studded collars.
 
I’m trying to figure out why five dogs would even NEED $30M bucks to see them through their lives, even if they live longer than any dog listed in the “Guiness Book of World Records.”  Of course, depending on how expensive their collars are, they’ll have to pay personal property insurance.  I suppose that could get pricey.  And did I hear some time back that Oprah had a nanny for these dogs?  That would probably add up.  Oh, yeah, and then you got to think about the person who goes behind them with the pooper scooper because I just can’t see Oprah with a pooper scooper in her hands.  Plus, the grooming.  I’ll bet those dogs use Jennifer Aniston’s hair dresser.  I’ll bet they get weekly pedicures.  I don’t know if this is true, but I heard Oprah’s dogs sleep with her.  This might explain why she and Steadman haven’t married.
 
I also read that Oprah’s dogs had better healthcare than most humans.  Don’t we have something like 50 million kids without healthcare in this country?  I’m trying to wrap my head around this.
 
I wonder what these dogs eat, for pete’s sake?  It’s not like they can order off a menu.  “I’ll have the filet mignon, extra rare, with bernaise sauce.”
 
I’ll tell you one thing, I’ll bet Oprah didn’t have the flea problem I had with my pets this year.  I don’t know any fleas that can afford to live on dogs with a $30M trust fund. 
 
You know, I was amazed to hear that Tom Cruise’s new house cost something like $35M dollars.  I’m like, da-um, I hope his kitchen has stainless steel appliances!  Now, can you imagine what Tom spent furnishing that house?  Jeez!
 
Tom’s place is nothing compared to the Mall-of-America lookalike owned by the late Aaron Spelling.  It’s worth $150M and has 56,000 square feet.  Can you imagine how big 56,000 square feet is?  It’s like the size of Rhode Island.  I’ll tell you one damn thing.  I think the CIA needs to take a look inside that house because Bin Laden could hang out in a place that size and never be found. 
 
Now, Spelling’s widow is trying to sell the house, but Realtors are only showing it to a “select” few.  Well, yeah!  When was the last time you walked into a real estate office and said, “I want something large enough to sleep the state of Texas, but I’ll not spend a dime over $149M.  That is my BOTTOM LINE!    And the poor Realtor has to say, “I’m so sorry, Sir, but the only thing we have that might fit your needs is more than you want to spend.  Have a nice day.”
 
Back to my original point.  Some people have too damn much money.  I can’t help but wonder what Oprah’s dogs are getting for Christmas this year.  I’ll bet those gifts aren’t coming from Pet Smart.

This entry was posted on Monday, December 3rd, 2007 at 10:42 pm and is filed under Group Therapy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.