Welcome to our ongoing therapy sessions.  As promised, I am addressing various ways to prevent meltdown.  Meltdown is a result of too much stress.  I don’t know about you, but if my anxiety level were any higher they’d have to slap lights on it to warn low-flying aircraft.

So that you don’t feel bad, just let me say it’s not your fault.  This world is full of bad people who will go to any length to screw you.  Most of them are your relatives.  Odds are you had sex with one of the major offenders just last night.  I’m not blaming you for that.  Unless you are on high doses of psychiatrict medication like me, you are still going to have sexual urges. 

When these people start working on your last nerve, here are some things you can do.  Choose from any or all on the list.

1.  Walk away.  Like my last husband said before I threw him out, “You don’t play in the same sandbox with bad people.”  So my advice to you is to get in your car and drive away.  I would recommend you go to the nearest Godiva store and order their 24 piece dark chocolate truffles.  They’re small enough so that you can eat the entire box in one sitting.

2.  Close your eyes.   Think about the guy you almost married because odds are he would have made you happier than the jerk you’re presently living with.  You may even want to look up your old flame.  There’s always the chance that he’s married as well, but that’s something the two of you will have to work out.  I suggest renting a room first, just to make certain the attraction is still there before breaking up two families.  If it doesn’t work out I’d recommend buying Godiva’s 36 piece Gold Ballotin Collection.

3.  Seek solitude.  Quiet time will offer you the opportunity to figure out how to get even with the people who really piss you off the most.  I suggest you keep a box of Godiva’s 24 piece White Chocolate collection on hand for this sort of thing.  Solitude without chocolate sucks.

4.  Take deep calming breaths and count to ten.  You don’t want to act in anger because this usually leads to prison time.  You might snack on Godiva’s nut and caramel collection while you’re trying to regroup.

5.  Be one with nature.  I don’t really like nature all that much because it often comes with flies, gnats, or mosquitos.  But the 12 piece Hazelnut Praline Biscuit collection from Godiva will take your mind off annoying insects.

6.  Listen to music.  I always recommend going to a bar, but try to stick with the classy ones that serve expensive wine or champagne because if you happen to have any Godiva chocolate covered strawberries with you, the two go very nicely together.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  You can tolerate almost anything, including blood relatives, as long as you have good chocolate on hand.

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 18th, 2007 at 1:43 pm and is filed under Group Therapy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.